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Raef: I Have You
How long he sat there after Hansel left with Goro, he didn’t know. It could’ve been ten minutes or it could’ve been ten hours. He sat there until the cold of the cabin floor began to seep into his pants. If his legs were cold then Azrael had to be cold. Gently Raef moved his husband to rest on the ground and stood up. He wanted to lift him up and lay him on the bed, but he couldn’t move him when he was awake let alone when he was – when he was like this. He worried his lower lip before grabbing the mattress and yanking it off the bed. He was careful to not drop it on top of the resting orc. Once it was set down on the floor he carefully, as carefully as he could, pushed Azrael onto the mattress. Then he tucked the covers in and arranged the pillow just right, just like Azrael used to like it, and sat back down on the floor. “Azrael…” he whispered as he slid his fingers down his husband’s face, tracing over the sharp cheekbone and jutted jawline. A scar as soft as worn leather bumped up under his touch before giving way to stronger, healthier skin. Skin that wasn’t marred by fire. It was surreal. He had seen Azrael spring forth out of Goro’s magic and he had heard the soft thud as he landed on the cabin floor. He could see the rise and fall of his chest, and hear each breath. Yet it didn’t seem real. He had lost Griffin…his Griffin…his love…and now…now he had Azrael back. Raef’s lower lip quivered and he pressed the heel of hand to the bridge of his nose. Not now. He couldn’t. Not now. Not when Azrael might wake up soon. Not when Azrael needed him. Griffin had needed me, too. He squeezed his eyes shut. He twined his fingers in his hair and swallowed down the tears. He couldn’t go there. If he went there…if he went there…he needed to be here. For Azrael. Azrael. Raef sucked his lower lip, letting out a shaky breath. “''Ahuvi''…''haim shelli''…” He smoothed down Azrael’s hair, stroking the soft strands. He leaned down to place a kiss to Azrael’s forehead. “Please wake up soon.” ~*~ Luci had said it would take time, that Azrael just needed to rest, but the hours slipped by with the morning and nothing happened. Azrael didn’t stir, didn’t flinch again. He only lay there beneath the blankets, breathing softly. Worry tugged at his heart as he watched his husband. Griffin would tell him it was fine, it was okay. That everything would be fine. But Griffin wasn’t there, would never be there again. He would never hear exasperated sighs or feel the tender, soothing touches. Never again. If they brought him back it would just be Gruumsh – just that fucking god that kept tearing and digging at him, raking his claws through his heart and dragging at his mind. Just that fucking god that took everything he had ever loved, had ever cared for. Tears splashed on his lap. …just that fucking god that had left him alone again… …I miss you… Raef hid his face in his hands. …''I love you''… He took a deep, shuddering breath. …''I’m sorry''… Movement. He scrubbed at his face hastily, turned around, and crawled back to bed. There was no more movement. It was probably a mouse or rat or whatever else lived on this damn boat. He sighed. Not yet. Maybe Azrael needed more time. Raef sank back onto the floor and bent his knees, resting his arms on them. His head dropped. He could wait a little – “Mmm…good morning, ahuvi…” His head snapped up. Azrael was looking at him through slitted eyes, a sleepy sort of smile on his face. He looked as if he had just woken up from a long nap. Not like he had just…he had just come back. “Az…” Raef breathed out. Nothing seemed to want to work, his body frozen and his heart seizing, but then Azrael offered out a hand. He scrambled to grab it, twining their fingers together, and he was pulled in against his husband. Azrael was still strong, still warm and he held him tight. Silent tears choked him, burning and stinging his throat. “…Az…” “It’s okay, ahuvi. I have you.” ~*~ “Your hair’s turnin’ grey,” Azrael said as he twisted a strand around his finger. They were now on the bed, nestled against the wall and headboard. Once the tears had stopped and Azrael felt like moving they had put the mattress back onto the bed. Raef tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “…guess it happens when…” When you get old…when – when – when… “''Ani mitnatzel''.” “Don’t.” Raef shook his head. This wasn’t Az’s fault. This was…this was Bloodgrut’s fault. This was Gruumsh’s fault. None of this was Az’s fault. None of this was Griffin’s fault. His heart didn’t hurt because of them. “You didn’t do anythin’.” Azrael smiled softly as he rested his head against Raef’s. “Yer wrong.” “How so?” Raef scoffed. “You didn’t do a damn thing.” “I left you.” ____________ Haim shelli = My life Ani mitnatzel = I'm sorry Category:Vignettes